You walk down the street and you can’t just pass by that woman standing still, tears in her eyes, mumbling something with a trembling voice, without staring at her for maybe a few seconds as you approach her. You don’t stop though and as you keep going, your mind begins processing the look in her eyes, her voice, her trembling hands on her purse, her neglecting everything and everybody around. Suddenly it all stops. Just for a moment, you get that nasty feeling that you have had before. It’s so familiar and yet so far away. Or maybe it has been just locked and hidden so good, that you didn’t even notice it existing for some time. You want to turn around, go back and tell her something. Anything. Something nice. But what can you tell a stranger who is crying? Now, now, don’t cry, it will all be good? Pathetic. So you don’t even turn your head at first. Then, walking ahead, you simply can’t resist and turn around. At first shy, approaching her timidly, then hurrying towards the place where she is still standing with tears in her eyes, afraid that your courage will vanish and you won’t be able to tell her anything. She’s somewhere in her mid 30s. Her look meets yours. You want to turn around. Again. What do you tell her? Should you ask her if she needs anything? Maybe she’ll just shhh you away. Will she say she’s okay and that you don’t have to worry about her?You pass by, as you see a man approaching her with a “what happened” look on his face. You slow down. Is he her husband? Her boyfriend? Most likely. You hear him telling her to stop crying. That it’s gonna be okay. She bursts into tears. She’s now crying noisily. He tries to tell her something, but she stops him. You hear her mumbling something about him just leaving her alone and going to that new home of his. You pretend going into that shop across the street. You have a lump in your throat. Trying not to think about it anymore. Since you entered, you kind of feel obliged to buy something. Cigarettes.
- A package please.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Have a good day.
- You too.
So there you are, outside again. Across the street, the two are still standing one in front of the other. They just stand there. Not looking each other in the eyes. A child comes running.
- Mommy! We had so much fun, me and daddy and his friend!
A man approaches.
- Hi. Come on sweetheart. Do you want us to go shopping today?
- Yes! Bye daddy, bye X.
- Bye sweetie. Until next week.
You light a cigarette. You keep going, while you feel so sorry for the woman. Maybe she was a good wife, maybe they didn’t fight, but what can one do or how does one react when the other half falls in love with somebody else who is of the same gender?
Your suffering is the same, but I wonder, does the feeling of being betrayed have to still exist?
It’s strange that when thinking about it, my answer is no. I wouldn’t feel betrayed and my suffering wouldn’t be so pregnant. Bottom line, If I were ever to be left for somebody else, I would like this somebody to be a man.